"Make an assessment."

 "Everything - a horse, a vine - is created for some duty.  For what task, then, were you yourself created?" - Marcus Aurelius

 One of the funniest (and strangest) comedy skits I've seen was from a comedy team called "The Mighty Boosh".  In the skit, a fisherman accidentally hooks a strange man-creature ("Old Gregg"), and things get weirder and weirder by the moment.  A bit after the one minute mark, the man-creature tells the fisherman to "Make an assessment."  Later on there's a disco dance scene with the two of them...

Today I pulled the 'new' car outside and "made an assessment".  An initial assessment - not a thorough one.

It needs to be cleaned up, and there is a lot of it that I don't understand yet.  It has way more gadgetry than I'm interested in, to be honest.  That said, the gadgets are cool - even if I don't understand what all of them do yet.  The car came with all of the manuals except for the one I really need - the owner's manual.  I found one on Ebay for $100. Ouch.  

I bought it for the drivetrain, not the multitude of knobs and switches.

The car came with a single weird-looking programmable key fob thing.  It's always wise to have a spare key, and I'm pretty sure that won't be cheap to purchase and program.   There's a reason the price on the car was low - but I shall overcome, and get it where I want it over time.  The bones seem to be good.

On the exterior, there is nothing wrong with the car at all.  Cosmetically, it's 100%, as it has a fresh coat of paint, due to clear-coat issues that it had previously.  I registered the car and was issued a temporary window sticker that replaced the vanity plate.  The title and a new generic plate will be along shortly.

On then to the interior, and all the stuff that I don't understand, and won't understand - at least until I get a manual.

The side mirrors fold back with a button, which is a good thing, because this car is fairly wide.  The kids' SUV does the same thing, but with hers, you have to hold the button down until the mirrors are finished moving.  This one is a push and forget.  

Below, Center: Controls for the mirrors.  The bottom two buttons extend and retract the mirrors, the top two select a mirror for adjustment.  I noticed that the driver's side mirror will not adjust up and down.

Of course, this car was all about the creature comforts, so the seats got a lot of attention.  The position adjustments are clear and easy to understand, as are the memory settings to the left of it.  Between the memory settings and the seat adjustments are the cooling and heating settings for the seat.  There are five LED bulbs, with three blue and two red - indicating the level of heating or cooling in the seat.  I'm not going to test the cooling settings out until it's summer.  To the right is the headlight knob, and what appears to be a headlight cleaning button.  Not sure about that.  Parking brake is below.  I don't use that.

Below:  The multitude of stalks sticking out of the steering column.  The top one sets the cruise control, and I use this one a lot.  The middle one is the turn signal, and rotating the end of it turns on the windshield wipers.  On the intermittent setting, the car seems to monitor the condition of the windshield, because it sped up the wipers when I was next to big trucks throwing up spray, then came to a stand-still when there was nothing on the windshield.  Pretty nice, really.  The small stalk at the bottom adjusts tilt and telescope of the steering wheel in the direction you move the knob - it slowly moves electrically, of course!  There is another stalk on the other side that operates the voice-activated commands for the entertainment center.  I'm not a big fan of that sort of thing, so it's unlikely to ever be used.

 Below:  Window controls, with the round trunk release button at the bottom.  When the trunk is released, it slowly glides open with a whirring sound - not your typical "Boing" and it flies open, or just pops loose a little bit.  Fancy!  It also self-latches once you get it nearly closed.  One more thing to go wrong :)

EDIT: You will see two illuminated buttons in the above image.  One is a 'panic button' in case you somehow find yourself locked inside the trunk.  The other is a button that closes the trunk.  If you press this one, you will want to step back quickly.  It goes shut rapidly, and then latches itself.

Top of the center console.  The thumb-wheels control the ventilation dampers, I'm fairly certain, but there is an "auto" function on the center thumb-wheel, which is where I have left them.  What that accomplishes better than the manual settings, I have no idea.

The left button is a rear window sun shade, which the seller said is not working.  Next over is the parking brake release, followed by the active suspension ride adjustment - comfort or sport.  Right of that is the ride height, with three settings.

Next is door locks, emergency flasher, and door unlock.  Then there is ESP (traction control), rear head rest fold down, and (I am guessing here) vehicle towing setting.  Given the complexity of these cars, I'm sure it very useful to have a button for it!

Below:  Lower entertainment console.  Fortunately the manual for this came with the vehicle.  You can play movies and MP3 files.  It can do a bunch of things, but most importantly, the sound is really good.  It's similar to the daughter's vehicle, so there is some familiarity.  It also has a map built in.  No photos of that (yet), as I don't want to give away the precise location of my house.  The volume is not consistent at the levels that I enjoy listening to music at, and I suspect the volume potentiometer needs a shot of de-oxidizer.  I'll get to that at some point.

Below:  Climate controls.  On the left, it looks like front and rear glass defrost at the top, air recirculation at the lower right, and and unknown button at the lower left.  You can push the button in for "auto" or release it out, and the car deals with everything, I guess.  Not too sure.  The center is fan speed and temperature settings for the ventilation.  If you push in the center lever, fan speed is auto.  On the right side, I have no idea what anything is for.

Below:  Shifter section.  The car can either be started by inserting the key fob in the dash and twisting, like a normal car, or by pushing the button on the shifter.  I noticed that this button doesn't always start the car, as the shift knob is a wee bit loose, and so is the electrical connection to the button.  The switch left of the shifter seems to be "comfort" and "sport" settings for the shifting, and the right button looks to turn the passenger air bag off manually.  Apparently nobody had thought of pressure switches in the seat to handle this task.

Each seat, including the rear passenger seats, in addition to heating and cooling, have 'pulse' operation.  I haven't tested this, and don't really much care about it.

Below: Ceiling controls up front.  Map light switches outboard, Map light switches to control how they operate with respect to the doors, then moon roof open and close buttons at the center.  Not sure what the three buttons under the rear view mirror do.  

 Below:  The driver side sun visor no longer sits up flush with the ceiling.  Possibly repairable, but it may need to be replaced.

Below:  Rear passenger controls.  The kid figured these out in a minute or two.

The interior needs a thorough cleaning, and the driver's seat upholstery is showing its age.  I don't think I'll be replacing the skin on the seat, because that has to come from Mercedes, and it is quite expensive.  I might try to do a face-lift (stretch and tighten up) on the center console leather.

Below:  It needs a bit of cleaning - no big deal when I have a day to spare.

And of course there's all the fancy manufacturer stuff that comes with a car like this, that I couldn't care less about, like logos on the shiny parts.  The scuffing on the plastic triggers my OCD though!

What I really wanted was a grandpa car that doesn't look like a Hellcat, but has similar acceleration and handling - and that's more or less what I got.  For a lot less money.  It will light up the tires if you stab the accelerator at anything below about 20 MPH, and the 'ESP' traction control will go into alarm.  So that's what I was after, and that's pretty cool.  The engine is pretty bitchin!

Also it does very badly in the snow with these tires.  I had a difficult time getting up the mild slope of the driveway.  Wasn't planning on driving it through the winter anyway, with all the corrosive ice melt they spray on the roads.  There will be a steep learning curve on figuring out how to fix issues and finding parts that aren't terribly pricey.

One issue these cars have is the on-board hydraulic system that operates the active suspension.  This car has had some of the actuators replaced, so the system has been an issue.  Also: 24 spark plugs, and ignitors for each bank of cylinders.  One of those has been replaced.  Time will tell how well these will hold up and how expensive they will be to maintain.